Top 5 Table Manner Rules for Boys
NIGHTLIFE | LIFESTYLE
~ BY ERIN BECK
These are the 5 basic rules that every guy should know when joining a table at a nightclub…
Look, when you walk into Bossa Nova for dinner on a Tuesday night, you’re not going to push past the hostess and let yourself in. You’re not going to walk up to the closest table and help yourself to their steak. And you’re definitely not going to jump on top of a chair and start spraying champagne on the family next to you. You may not attend family dinners anymore, but your mother taught you table manners for a reason. Don’t forget them.
Are the rules at a club a bit more lenient? Sure. Do guidelines fade exponentially after 1am? Absolutely. But the moral of this story is that despite what you’ve seen on Jersey Shore, there actually ARE guidelines that will prevent you from being served a Hollywood eviction notice. And here they are…
1. Let her down gently.
Yes, we know she’s not what you had in mind when you told that hairstylist to bring her friends tonight. But pointing a finger and shaking it in Rosanne’s face is never okay, no matter how before-picture the girl looks. Let your server or bouncer know that you need the extra foot (or 3) of space (DON’T LOOK HERE), and they can find a way to get Ugly Betty off your table without risking her bursting into tears.
2. Put a straw in her drink. Do NOT put drugs in it.
No matter how self-explanatory this may seem, there inevitably exists the dumbass who got that stuff from that guy who said that feeling is, you know, like, awesome, bro. Look– if you can’t show the girl a good time without knocking her head off, you’ve got bigger issues than Table Manners.
3. You are not Steve Aoki.
Stage-crashing, crowd surfing, and champagne-spraying are activities reserved for a class of people way cooler than you (Don Johnson, Steve Aoki, LMFAO). If that’s not humbling enough to stop you from embarrassing yourself with attention-whoring antics, then you should also know that said cooler class of kids is also usually the select few who are getting PAID to be at the party. You have an extra bottle of champagne–we get it. Trust me, you’ll get farther by offering glasses to pretty girls than ruining their weaves that took them 3 hours to straighten.
4. You are also not Magic Mike.
Unless you’ve been training with Channing Tatum since 1998 (and you look like him, too), no one wants to see you grinding on top of a table. Nor against the walls, other females, any poles, and certainly not on the bottle of Veuve. So, keep your moves to yourself, and let the ladies provide the wannabe-stripper entertainment for the evening.
5. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
A ticket to Disneyland costs $125. If that’s the Happiest Place on Earth, then you’ll be euphoric when you realize that a good nightclub is like Disneyland, but with hot, half-naked girls trying their best to get drunk, awesome house music, all your buddies, endless alcohol, and a later curfew. Stop whining, and just pay the cover. Better yet, buy a bottle, and consider it a fun investment. You would never mentally bitch-slap the clerk at AMC for charging you to get into a movie– stop scowling at the bouncer for asking you for cover. You’re about to have way more fun looking at go-go dancers than you had watching Captain America.
### Follow our contributing writer Erin Beck on Twitter @SrryFrPrtyRckng